The Night
(Music Piece: “Alone” from Stories Without Words by Jacob’s Piano (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEQmK0-cucE))
You can’t sleep.
It’s been a long day and all you can do
Is sit outside in the blackness of the night
And lose yourself to your senses and thoughts.
The endless stretch of gentle darkness,
With its stars shining white like the sun,
Wraps around you like a thick warm blanket
in the winter.
The night sky smells of the apples
From that apple tree that you have planted.
The rich scent of those bales of hay that
You’ve stored in the barn wafts through the air
And you inhale it, a deep breath full of fresh air.
You remember sitting in this exact same spot
With your father when you were a boy.
It is times like these that makes you wish
That you were still sitting here with your father
Talking about deep subjects
Like the two of you usually did.
From somewhere in the barn, you hear
your tabby cat meow.
Your roan horse lets out a soft snort
and it shifts its position,
Rustling the wood shavings beneath its hooves.
All is silent in the house.
Both your wife and your younger son
(the elder has moved to the city)
Must’ve fallen asleep, your son with a book
Still tightly gripped in his hands and a tiny kitten
Curled up on his stomach.
Your own brother has also moved to the city
Deciding that life in the countryside wasn’t for him.
It is at times like this that you hope
Your brother is looking up at the same moon
And thinking about you.
Sighing with pleasure, you tilt your head back
To gaze at the moon, round and white.
At last, you close your eyes and
allow yourself one last deep breath,
one last listen
To the peaceful silence of your surroundings
And one last longing gaze at the moon
Before you rise from your spot and
Head home for bed.
Blackout Poem
I wish I could
sing the fresh wishes of youth
again.
Dear Amy,
That was extremely detailed and made me feel as though I was part of the exact farm life you described. In the barn during the night, as winter surrounded you. Through your poem it seems you know a lot about this topic, and I was wondering how you have this knowledge/ can describe this life? It was very ingaging and a good read.
-Ryder
Dear Ryder,
Thank you for the feedback—I’m glad the poem was able to create a connection with you!
To answer your question, I’ve seen a few movies here and there that are set in the countryside.
Amy
Dear Amy,
This was like some beautiful crossbreed between a spoken word and a fictional memoir. A great feeling of peace befell me while reading this and a greatly appreciate the effort given towards inciting a clear image in the reader’s head for this very reason. Those descriptors you sprinkled throughout this did a great job contributing to the mood of the spoken word, and I now feel slightly tired because of that!
For critiques, really my only complaint is there are some lines that may be seen as unnecessary, such as “(the elder has moved to the city)”. While this does make sense when in the scheme of the poem, it doesn’t really contribute much to the image presented and is kinda jarring since now I was concerned about a new character that just popped in for a single sentence.
Nevertheless, excellent work! It was like a picture was being painted in my head live. Such a performance makes me excited to see what other works you can create in the future!
-Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
I both surprised and glad that my piece managed to create such an impression on you!
Thanks for the feedback, I’ll watch out for similar problems in the future!
Amy